Leading with Vulnerability
Vulnerability is a cornerstone in building connection and trust within coaching relationships. As coaches, I believe it’s crucial that we lead with vulnerability. We invite our players to be vulnerable with us by modeling vulnerability. By doing this, a coach creates the supportive environment for players to challenge themselves but taking risks, learning through experimentation, receiving positive feedback and taking responsibility for their actions. This helps cultivate the actions and behaviors that lead to a growth mindset, humility and coachability.
If we want our players to be vulnerable and buy-in to the direction we create for them, we must demonstrate that vulnerability is a positive. One way I do this is by sharing stories from my past where I made mistakes and learned tough lessons.
For example, when I was 18, I played rugby for the Adelaide University RUFC. I disagreed with training session and told the coach to "fuck off." Even though I apologized, I was told to leave training and did not play in another game for the rest of the season unless there was an injury. It was a tough price to pay. I made an error in judgment when I lost my cool. I share this story to illustrate that even after an apology, there are consequences that must be faced, and I know what it was like to endure that difficult consequence.
Additionally, I sometimes I have to shift the positions athletes play. Sometimes it works and other times it doesn’t. Sometimes players agree and other times they vehemently disagree. One assured me she was a back, but I saw her as a forward….needless to say when she starred at flyhallf, I had to acknowledge repeatedly I got it wrong. It demonstrates a couple of lessons: 1) I get it wrong and coaching is iterative, which also means that changing course when I make a mistake is a big part of the process; and 2) an athlete can prove me wrong and change my mind…it’s an opportunity and not an ultimatum.
Finally, I will tell about how I had to adapt my coaching style based on player feedback. My preferred way to coach is through teaching games for understanding. This approach involves playing different games that expose players to new ideas and when they have a skill deficit they see the gap in their skills. The players must pick up on these ideas and develop specific skill sets to manipulate the rules and win the games. One time, a player bravely approached me and said she couldn't learn the way I was teaching. She preferred ordered lists and clear instructions. We discussed this, and while I couldn't provide a full list of details due to the dynamic nature of rugby, I agreed to give her more structured information with gaps for her to problem-solve and come to me with questions. I share it with the players to encourage their feedback and show that the learning environment is cultivated by coaches and players.
I use stories to show that I do not always get it right. I have made mistakes in the past, will make mistakes in the future, and I need their grace to navigate those situations. To me, this is what it means to thrive in our environment. We want to experiment, explore, and do things together. It is our journey towards a big goal, but to achieve that, we must be willing to make mistakes along the way.
When taking risks, failure is always a possibility. Courage lies in the ability to take risks and strive for success, knowing that the flip side of failure is the opportunity to succeed. Every opportunity for success carries the risk of failure, and we must be ready to step into the arena, prepared to succeed while acknowledging the potential for failure.
Strategies to Create a Safe Environment for Vulnerability
Demonstrate Vulnerability: Lead by example. Share your own experiences and mistakes.
Appreciate Vulnerability: Applaud players when they are vulnerable, both privately and publicly.
Encourage Openness: Acknowledge that learning often requires repetition and that it's okay to ask questions.
Offer Second Chances: Create a culture where second chances are part of the learning process.
Leading with vulnerability can be challenging, especially when players expect coaches to embody the characteristics of the stereotypical "all-knowing" coach. However, by embracing vulnerability, we can create an environment where players feel safe to grow both on and off the field. We must recognize that everyone is on their own journey, moving at different speeds, and be accepting of others as they navigate their paths.
